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My name is Shannon Miller
and this is my story...
I grew up in a very loving home with my father, mother and sister. Growing up we were the "Chreaster" church attendees; the ones who only go to church on Christmas and Easter. My life was that of a typical adolescent until the eighth grade. My first love at that time, soccer, was abruptly ended when I tore my ACL. I was extremely disappointed and angry at God for not protecting me.
Then in March of my freshman year of High School my father passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. My world turned upside down. I did not understand what was actually taking place. All I could keep on doing was replaying the last words that I spoke to my father which were, "I hate you!" At that point in time I made a conscience decision to not just walk away from God, but more like sprint away from him. Without my dad and without soccer I was questioning my purpose and harboring huge amounts of anger to anyone and everyone, especially God.
The end of the school year, my mother and I moved to Boston to live with her parents. It lasted about two weeks when we both realized that too many changes were not healthy for us and back to Pittsburgh we came. The anger, confusion and sadness continued. I lived the next three and a half years in a complete state of teenage rebellion with a group of friends who were not a positive influence. Then my senior year of high school, I remember sitting in art class wondering what I would do next, seeing that my high school experience had been thrown down the drain. Having no motivation and lots of self-pity I did nothing about it. My mother, however, refused to see me waste my life into nothing and basically filled out my college application for me. Surprisingly, I got in; I think it was due to the plea bargain my mother made with the college admissions office.
My freshman year of college was a pivotal moment for me. I took an ethics class in which we studied every religion except Christianity. It was fascinating and I found myself deeply engaged, which was a first for me. I kept feeling unsettled with every religion and found their logic to be unclear and circular. The class ended, but my questions continued and were growing rapidly.
Also during my freshman year, I began babysitting for Tracy Grady who is a member of Orchard Hill. She would always talk to me about how she loved the messages and the answers she received to her long existing questions. She would always invite me and I would always politely decline. I thought in my finite mind that Christianity wasn't the answer. Besides, I felt that I had closed that door years ago and did not want to reopen it. Tracy kept asking me and eventually I accepted the invitation and came to Orchard Hill. I was inspired by the message; it challenged my mind, so I kept coming. I kept growing intellectually in my understanding of the Christian faith; however, my heart initially remained unchanged.
I eventually began to see the direct affect my rebellion had on my life. My hardened heart was melted as I began to understand that Jesus loved me despite the things I did. It was a turning point for me to allow my heart to accept His unconditional love. Even after my heart had been changed, I still hesitated to give up the guilt I felt from my father's death. After reading numerous books, plugging into myriads of Bible studies and receiving support from others, I was able to conclude that if Jesus was going to be Lord of my life, I wanted Him to be Lord over all of it, including the guilt and shame from my past. I found a freedom in releasing my guilt like I had never known before and my relationship with Jesus started to really grow. It was the most profound thing to realize that I did not need to work through life on my own – to understand that God's Spirit is with me and will give me strength in every circumstance.
Today after graduating from Pitt University, I am privileged to serve here on staff at Orchard Hill as an intern in Student Ministry. Here God continues to teach me through the kids I serve and my relationship with Jesus continues to grow. It is ironic when I think about my story, for now I look back and realize my running away from God was actually me running right to Him.
My name is Shannon Miller and this is my story.
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